Proteus

A poor excuse for a game and not worth your money.

There are quite a few positive reviews about Proteus on the Internet, and people are being fooled into paying for this game, but it honestly appears that the people are being paid for submitting these positive reviews. This is an independent and un-sponsored review, which means it is littered with honesty, and in all honesty--this game is terrible.

It Is Not Even A Game

There are objectives, but they are vague and pointless. Firstly, you are put into a pixilated environment that looks a little like Minecraft, except by graphical standards, if Minecraft were a bronze statue, then this game would be a chipped cinderblock. There are no textures, which means all colours are just solid blocks of colour without light and shade.

A Soundtrack That Changes

You manipulate the soundtrack as you move around the land. For example, if you try to chase after a pixilated shape that may be vaguely described as a bunny’s shadow, then the soundtrack changes as it runs off.

The soundtrack is actually not very good. It sounds like some form of retro game music that has been spliced with muzak (cheap chill out music). That is one of the reasons why people say this game helps you relax, but you could watch paint dry and get more out of it than you can with Proteus. The most exciting thing is when the seasons change and that just means the blocks of colour change.

Anybody That Says This Game Is Good Is Not Your Friend

People are ripping you off when they say the game is good: they are either paid to say it, or they are idiots. You can blow through this game in about an hour and complete everything that they laughably call an objective.

A Nice Idea Wasted!

The game’s landscape is procedurally generated, which means each player gets a slightly different experience, and this may be fun if the graphics were anything other than the aforementioned colour blocks. Even if they were poorly drawn pictures, then at least it would look like something. What is the point of having procedurally generated environments if they all look the same; it is as pointless as cloning houseflies. There is a beginning and an end, but no real objectives or missions, and people are trying to pass this off as a new kind of gaming.

Pros

• It beats going to prison

Cons

• Some people would rather go to prison than play this game
• The objectives may as well not exist
• Terrible graphics, colours, and no textures
• Pointless and uninspired soundtrack
• Overpriced if it is anything other than free